I've recently been introduced to the idea of systems within family. This means that certain relationships fall under certain systems. For example, the hierarchical system in a family should be between husband and wife. After that, you typically see something called "subsystems" form. This can be between mother and daughter, mother and son, father and daughter, or father and son. There are also subsystems developed between certain siblings - brother or sister, or two sisters, etc. Subsystems can work to become "peacemakers", the opposite, or play other roles. If a subsystem becomes too strong or dominant, say between a mother and daughter - they can unintentionally start acting as the hierarchical system of the family, and exclude the father/husband, which could create tension and feedback loops (positive or negative reinforcement that causes repetition in behavior).
Something that plays into and influences systems and subsystems within family, are the unsaid family rules or habits. Something as simple as "assigned" seating at the dinner table can influence the relationships and friendships within family. If someone sits at the wrong seat at my family's table, it can instantly offset the feeling surrounding dinner and could put together two siblings that don't get along, etc.
It is also true that any relationships within the family of course will have various effects on the family, specifically the hierarchical system between husband and wife/father and mother. If husband and wife do not set aside time for each other, have the same goals, rules, priorities, etc., those problems will eventually trickle down to the kids and create rifts. I have even seen this within families that I have worked for. The times when children would act up or have a particularly hard day, aligned with the parent's stress levels and visible arguing that was taking place in the home.
Once I got older, my mom was remarried and went back to work in a place that we didn't have as much of the resources my family could offer. That changed my responsibilities and the role I played to my younger siblings. I was then in charge of making sure everyone was awake and getting ready for school, and getting to school on time, as well as picking them up, any transportation to and from extracurricular events, appointments, etc. While this was extremely helpful to my mom, it completely changed the relationship I had with my brothers and sisters. I felt as if I had to take care of them, teach them, and expect things of them the same way my mom would. If they didn't listen, I felt like it was my responsibility to discipline them, which obviously never went over well.
While my relationships with my siblings changed, my relationship with my mom and stepdad greatly improved. They knew they could rely on me and that eased their responsibilities and work load. I was very busy with what they needed me to do, but I also got more privileges than other people in the house. I had a car, my gas was paid for (because most of it was used on transporting the kids anyway), and I had more freedom on weekends. I also noticed an interesting shift in the way my parents, parented me specifically. I had gone from a child compared to them (as far as decision making goes), to included in the choices made by them that would affect the family. I participated in planning family vacations, laying out family expectations, and was even included in conversations between my parents when they were concerned with another kid, and how to approach it. It was interesting to see how this changed my family and the various subsystems within it.
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