There are four categories of affairs. First, fantasy affair. Next, visual affair (pornography). Then, romantic affair. Last, is sexual affair. Scott Gardner mentions that "it is important to point out that it does not take two people for infidelity to occur" (p.3). Each of these categories of affairs are different, and have different types pf involvement. Some being emotional involvement, and the others being physical involvement. There will also be attached versus detached types of affairs. For example, a fantasy affair will fall under an emotional, detached affair. While a sexual affair would be a physical, attached affair.
To further explain each, a fantasy affair "is characterized by having an emotional affair with someone who has no knowledge about what is taking place", often times this occurs through online flirting, or even romance novels. A study recently came out revealing those women who read romance novels are twice as likely to cheat.
A romantic affair (which is an emotion and attached affair) "occurs when an individual becoming emotionally involved with a specific person other than his or her spouse" (p.7), this is often supported by a "second life" kind of life style, meaning they are trying to escape the routines of every day life.
Next, sexual affair (physical and attached) "occurs when a person engages in sexual acts outside of the bonds of marriage with or without emotional attachment" (p.8). Gardner goes on to mention that sexual affairs can often start as visual affairs, and lead the person at hand to commit something much more serious.
A visual affair, involving pornography is"the most common type of infidelity" (p.6). This often includes the viewer to act out sexually, making this a physical affair. This is often the starting point to a more serious affair, as mentioned above.
There was an experiment done with butterflies. All of them were placed in a box, and naturally the males were pursuing the females with the brightest colors, and nicest patterns. While this was happening, the facilitators of the experiment were conjuring up a fake butterfly with the brightest colors and most intricate patterns. They were able to enhance whatever they wanted and make this butterfly look however they preferred. When they hung up this fake butterfly, all of the males stopped chasing the real butterflies, and surrounded and swarmed the fake one, and decreased mating significantly. Compared to the fake, perfectly engineered butterfly, the real female butterflies weren't as appealing. This phenomenon can easily be applied to the effects of pornography in relationships and marriages. Once one has seen a staged, enhanced, and airbrushed woman, normal woman won't seem to compare, even if they are attractive or married to them.
In a world that seems to be surrounded by pornography, vulgar images and ideas, infidelity, and much more - it is preventable and avoidable. Avoiding pornography isn't only in what you intentionally seek out, but also in unexpected interactions with it. This includes TV shows, movies, magazines, books, music, and much more. It can and will sneak it's way in slowly, before it takes over. It is important to be aware of that. Next, would be closing the window to any and all past relationships, flings, or temptations. This means unfriending people on Facebook and other forms of social media. This can lead to unwarranted emotional attachments, jealousy, and thoughts of "what if" that can spread to something more serious.
To me, the most important part of living a "high fidelity" marriage would be to understand and be prepared to be married in God's temple. When this is understood, respected, and covenants are honored, a marriage will be successful. It takes effort and loyalty.
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